Resident master of lexicon Troy Phillips trudges through the muck of Urban Dictionary to find his favorite gems hidden in the shuffle.
Here we are, only a month into the return of Poor Scholars and already on our third edition of Words of the Week. Not a bad ratio, I’d say.
Recall that everything besides the comment is intellectual property of the Urban Dictionary user cited in the “By” section of the post. You mean you copied and pasted all of these words, definitions, and examples? Yes, genius, go ahead and reveal my secret plot to destroy the internet to whoever you deem necessary. Off we go.
Word 1: Na
Definition: Sodium, on the periodic table of elements.
Example(s): NaCl is sodium choride, the tasty, grain-like substance you put on french fries, otherwise known as table salt.
Comment: Yes, this is actually the first definition for Na. Recall we’re talking about Urban Dictionary and not the glossary of a chemistry textbook. Instead of an entry by someone who forgot how to properly spell “nah”, we get a scientifically accurate, albiet snappy, synopsis of sodium’s abbreviation on the periodic table. And Na, you’re not moving on without hearing a bad chemistry pun first.
Word 2: Stage Dive
Definition: If you are a huge person, and you see a 90 pound chick in the audience, don’t stage dive in her direction. She will get crushed/hurt/pissed off. Also a bunch of hardcore dudes will try to kick your ass because hurting little chicks at shows is just not cool.
Example(s): I am still bitter to the fat ass who stage dived then landed on me while attending a the Bled show.
Comment: Let’s touch this up; if you’re a huge person, don’t stage dive in anyone’s direction, period. We’ve all seen the failed stage dive as depicted in film, but falling face first to the floor is a very real danger for those who get too caught up in the rock scene. Consult YouTube for more evidence than you’ll ever need on this topic.
Word 3: DTAM
By: kathy acker
Definition: Death To All Men. When a man irritates or pisses a woman off, she may or may not be inclined to think about the demise of the male species. If she refers to the annihilation of men she will most likely say Death To All Men (DTAM) (d-tam).
Example(s): Rita: Johnny stole all my shit after he fucked me. He just fucked and ran away with some Bimbo.
Rhonda: “Death To All Men… DTAM… DTAM”
Any given Woman: “He f***ed me then he f***ed my roommate. DTAM”
Comment: No, I don’t drink red wine on Thursday nights and play bunko with the housewives from my neighborhood. I tried, but they wouldn’t let me in the group. Seriously though, this acronym just flows off the tongue. Not that you’ll catch me using it myself, but if I’m ever cause for a member of the fairer sex using the term, I won’t hold any grudges. It’s a pretty awesome phrase.
Word 4: 420yolo.com
Definition: It’s the reincarnation of the Gifura Jeff flash image. It’s a jump scare of Creepypasta Jeff The Killer with a flash image of the original picture going from abstract to normal rapidly, a loud scream audio playing. NOTE: If you have epilepsy do not search it. It will surely cause you to have a seizure of some sort.
Example(s): “Hey, man! check out 420yolo.com! It’s hilarious!”
Comment: Okay, if for some reason you skipped the definition, go to the site. Yeah. A flashing clown’s face is disturbing stuff, plain and simple. Plus I think the site gives you a virus if you stay on for too long. But hey, with a name like that, it’s worth it. Your computer is now implanted with 420yolo swag.
Word 5: Textaphrania
Definition: Thinking you’ve heard or felt a new text message vibration when there is no message.
Example(s): Dammit, I just suffered from a bullshit disorder invented by RMIT when I thought my phone vibrated. I’ll call it Textaphrenia.
Comment: Pretend I just gave out a medal for most relatable word of the week. Sometimes, I’m halfway through a response before realizing I never received a new text in the first place. Even when your phone is on silent, you can’t help but consider every movement of your cellular device and compulsively check your home screen to ensure you didn’t mess that crucial call from Warren Buffett asking you to take over his financial holdings. Don’t miss out on Warren Buffet’s financial holdings, switch to DirecTV. Sorry. Kinda sounded like one of their ads.