We’re looking at a little more than a week since the re-launch of Poor Scholars, and that seems like the right time to bring back one of my favorite recurring segments: Urban Dictionary Words of the Week.
If you’re not familiar with the concept, don’t sweat it, the name basically says it all. I scour the millions of entries on Urban Dictionary using the “random” button and post my favorite words, complete with my own reflection.
A couple of disclaimers; first, if you plan to take a similar jaunt through random word land, be warned — emotional scarring is a very real side effect. Second, every word, definition and any subsequent examples are property of their respective Urban Dictionary users, whom I will cite below the word. Yes, thank you for noticing I’m a hack who thinks beating the copy/paste features to a pulp is reasonable means to compose a piece.
New year, new words, let’s hop to it.
Word 1: Lady Gaga
By: Justin MaHaffey
Definition: A very bad joke played on all of us by Tim Burton.
Example(s): Person 1: Did you see Lady Gaga the other night?
Person 2: Yeah, Tim Burton sure is getting better at special effects.
Comment: He makes a good point, actually. Lady Gaga’s drab color scheme and unreasonably awkward disposition would make for a great Burton protagonist, which of course is using the term “protagonist” loosely.
Word 2: Saints
Definition: A team known for having a superb fanbase despite 26 years of futility. The games are fun and the fans are funny. One day the Saints will get their come-up’ns.
Example(s): 1.When the Saints fire their owner and coach and QB they will smoke the NFC.
2. Deuce Mcallister, Saints HB is one of the best in the league. Nooch.
Comment: This was written in July 2004. Since then, the Saints have reeled in a Super Bowl and a barrage of winning seasons thanks to the arrival of Drew Brees and Sean Payton. Pfft, and he was proud of Deuce McAllister.
Word 3: Strumpet
Definition: Another term for whore, first used by Shakespeare to describe loose women.
Example(s): “Thou art a strumpet!”
Comment: Shakespearean insults are actually one of the greatest parts of reading the Bard. They’re also the perfect way to insult someone without having to reap any negative consequences. Don’t believe me? Well you should, you base eater of broken meats.
Word 4: CTM
Definition: Chuckle To Myself. This is the counterpoint, the companion expression to LOL (Laugh Out Loud).
Example(s): Wendy sent me a very funny text. I responded; CTM!
Comment: Not that I ever plan to use this abbreviation, but I have always wondered why there isn’t a less binding version of everyone’s favorite online staple term, “lol”. I mean, things can be funny without mandating physical laughter. Laughing is simply not a solo mission, very few can transmit comedy effectively via the written word, let alone your friend who still uses “wazzup!” without being sarcastic.
(Editor’s Note: It is never socially acceptable for a dude to use “lol”. Ever.)
Word 5: Tosh
Definition: A derisory term used in the same way as rubbish or crap or bollocks
Example(s): This coat of paint is utter tosh
Comment: Oh, England. If you can think of a word that snaps at the beginning and softens at the end, you can probably swing it as slang across the pond. I’ll throw the word “bishkin” out there, a word I picked off the top of my head which is now synonymous with a wanker. I’ll throw it around a few of the Queen’s message boards and report back the results.
Word 6: Flaggit
By: Jeff D
Definition: Someone that puts an American Flag and/or some Sports franchise flag on their car when they drive around for everyone to see.
Example(s): The Flaggit in that Ford Expedition must be a Lakers fan.
Comment: Missing was a reference to Confederate flags. Dixie-land supporters are flaggits in every sense of the word.
Word 7: Scranton
Definition: The largest city in Northeastern Pennsylvania, with a population of 76,415 recorded during the 2000 Census. Scranton was a boomtown in the late 1800s/early 1900s with the dawn of the coal and iron industries. Scranton fell on hard times after World War II after demand for coal dropped sharply, and has been losing population at a steady rate ever since. Nowadays, Scranton is filled with many nice, hardworking people. It is also home to numerous drug dealers from Philadelphia and New York, who come to Scranton because they can’t make it in the big cities. Scranton is also filled with an amazing amount of assholes who do nothing but complain about how much Scranton sucks and there is nothing to do here. Local officials often tout Scranton for its interstates providing easy access to New York, Philadelphia, Boston, Washington, D.C., everywhere. Perhaps the negative assholes should hop on the highway and fuck off.
Example(s): If you don’t like living in Scranton, do something to fix it. If you’re not going to fix it, shut the fuck up. If you’re not going to shut the fuck up, then leave.
Comment: Really, an entire rant on Scranton without any mention to The Office? Scranton might as well not exist if not associated with Dunder Mifflin, or else it’s about as noteworthy as my own suburban nothingville, which by that use of adjective should tip you off to the fact that it isn’t noteworthy in the least. For shame, FleshEatingRobot, for shame.