BY ALEX RUSSELL
George Mallory supposedly said the most famous quote about Mount Everest of all time. When the famed mountaineer was asked why he wanted to climb the highest peak in existence he supposedly just said “because it’s there.”
We do what we do because it is there to be done. It does not matter why. Why doesn’t enter into it. Someone made a nearly 4,000 pound pumpkin pie because no one had ever made that big of a damn pie before, people. Why isn’t that enough for you?
YouTube has rapidly become the place on the web that anyone can be famous. Sure, there are other ways to be “infamous,” but YouTube is a great place to throw your creations out into the world for judgement, scorn, and more insults than you expected capable of strangers.
Once you’re done trying to be famous or have fun with it, you can begin to unlock the wonders of the stupidest corners of the Internet.
Today: the 10-hour video.
YouTube actually lets you upload videos longer than 10 hours, so our Everest analogy doesn’t hold up. 10 hours is just the length that the looping community (if you can even call it that) has decided to test.
You loop a video by pasting the same smaller clip over and over. Imagine watching a Vine or .gif that kept track of how long you watched it. That’s the scoring system of 10 hour videos: how long can you stand to watch the same dumb thing?
It boils down to this: people on YouTube are weird. That doesn’t mean they should win!
Epic Sax Guy
The Epic Sax Guy meme flamed out a few years ago, but it still comes up as one of the most popular 10-hour videos. If you haven’t seen it, it’s a guy from Moldova playing a saxophone. If you have, then you know it’s so much more. I start with this one because the audio loop is so well done. If there’s even a second of latency or a second too long on the loop you start to notice it after, say, 20 minutes. This is not to say that you’d watch 20 minutes.
You are going to watch 20 minutes of this now. It’s not up to you, so don’t even fight it.
Daft Punk – “Around the World”
This one is as likely a commentary on the song as anything else, but it works perfectly for this madness. Before everyone in the entire world knew them, Daft Punk was still pretty damn famous for –among other things– “Around the World.” This one’s not as traditional a loop because it doesn’t just play the one phrase over and over again, but you get a taste of the insanity through the comments. People love to make the joke “I loved the part where he says around the world.” on things like this. A good way to improve your life is to preemptively block everyone making that joke and to move to another state.
If you haven’t seen Leekspin in your time on various laptops, I don’t really know where to start you. I guess you can read the Knowyourmeme article on it, but that won’t help too much. Leekspin may be the original scoreboard for this whole thing, though, since leekspin.com actually counts the amount of time you’ve been “spinning.”
“X Gon’ Give It to Ya”
The Internet deals in currency of +1 and upvotes, and everything I’ve got in my bag of holding goes to whoever originally made this. I very nearly vandalized Wikipedia just to add this to DMX’s page. This is a compilation of Team Fortress 2 clips combined with DMX’s seminal “X Gon’ Give It to Ya.” It feels cheap to say that without you seeing it. Watch this one. You will be baffled at how long you let this play. This is just a truth of human biology.
“Zou Bisou Bisou”
After the unstoppably awkward Mad Men scene featuring this song I had to hear the original. I found this. I worked at a ridiculous hour of the morning at the time and I once spent four hours watching this one, making it my record. These records are actually the only things that are recorded and presented to you upon your death. Go for glory.
Archer – Therapy Cranes
It violates the primary rule of the damn thing because it only lasts an hour, but the clip itself is less than three seconds long. That means that for the average three minute loop, this one actually plays as often as a whole song would in 10 hours. The classic rule of comedy is a rule of three. Test that with a rule of 3,300.