You’d better believe it’s back. Here I present to you the first haul from the pristine (and allergy inducing) month of May.
In related news, WordPress has released a new feature that links my words as I write them to similar content from blogs across the world. I would predict that the ‘Related Content’ bar is probably going become join the ranks of useful features that I fail to employ, but for now it stands as a shiny new toy and loyal supporter, to boot. How does this relate to the column? What am I talking about?
I’ve given the system this entire intro’s worth of content to produce viable suggestions for “Urban Dictionary Words of the Week”, and to my mild surprise there are none. That is, none that truly embody the fun-loving spirit that is my weekly rundown of captivating words. So if you’re looking for an improved compilation, feel free to browse the web to your heart’s content. Just do yourself a favor and bookmark this page so that you can make a swift return. Cue maniacal laugh and this week’s words.
Definition: Short for “alright”. Used in place of “alright” or to quickly end a conversation. Invented by the Derkas of the 918 (Tulsa, OK area). When used in place for “alright” after a command, it is the speaker’s choice to fullfill the command.
Example: Ammar: Hey, look what i got for y–
Kaamil: Hey Khaled, hand me it.
Khaled: Ot *hands over the dildo from Adildo*
Comment: No, that’s not a typo, just a chance to lament the degradation of the English language by my generation. Some would mistake a word like this for being trendy or creative, but don’t be fooled into calling the random mashing of two letters any sort of accomplishment.
Word: OJ Simpson
Definition: See guilty.
Example: He did it.
Comment: Calling OJ guilty seems to be a timeless exercise for ’90s types, and damn it I want to fit in! Better earn some bonus points while I can here- Nirvana, frosted Tips, backwards hats, Full House! Nailed it.
By: Devin A.
Definition: Someone who takes christianity too seriously, revolving most or all of their everyday life around God and/or the bible.
Example: Those ‘Jesus Saves’ guys are a bunch of flanderses.
Comment: Turn on an episode of The Simpsons these days and I’m pretty sure you’ll see Ned Flanders married to Edna Krabapple, which is wrong for oh so many reasons. May Ned’s bible thumping, and everything else that made the show a classic before 2008 continue to rest in peace.
Word: Facebook Envy
Definition: The feeling you get when you come across an old friend on Facebook and realize that their life turned out way better and is more interesting than yours.
Example: Joe: “My wife left me for another woman and my kid should be out on parole next summer. That, and I almost got my mullet grown to the perfect length. So what have you been up to?”
Jim: “I ended up getting married to a supermodel and moving to Monaco after selling my shares in MSFT. Currently doing volunteer work to eradicate poverty. Oh, you may have also seen me in the news recently during my kid’s Nobel prize nomination.”
Jim: “Chill out with the Facebook envy, already
Comment: You know that guilty pressure that comes from looking more accomplished than a friend on social media? It’s couldn’t-drown-an-ant shallow, but almost everyone is a victim in this age of connectivity.
Definition: When this generation later tells their teenage kids about the YouTube videos you watched back in the day and those children subsequently rapidly share said videos with their generation.
Example: The year, 2030 – “hey Dad, listen to this, I learned to play Mozart today”. “who cares Billy, this cat had that figured out twenty years ago. Wipe away your tears and check this out”.
Billy shares with friends. Video goes viral…again. Reviral.
Comment: Here’s a man with vision! Or one that might be a bit too optimistic about his own generation’s accomplishments. I mean, people in the ’80s were probably envisioning all of the cool emails that we would be sending today, and look how that turned out.
Disclaimer: Use the “random” button on Urban Dictionary with caution. For every amusing definition like those above, there were five disturbing or commonplace words that took away time and innocence which I will never get back. Thank you and enjoy your Wednesday.
Clarification: All definitions, words and examples are not my intellectual property and as such have not been altered from their original content and format. In other words, I’m the messenger, so think twice before trying to shoot me.