When not doing his YouTuber of the Week segment, Poor Scholars’ Troy Phillips sorts through the creative, the weird and the disturbing to find his favorite words of the week from Urban Dictionary. After making repeated use of the “random” button to sort through potential candidates, here are Troy’s discoveries for this week.
Somehow, over a month has passed since my last Words of the Week segment. On the bright side, Urban Dictionary has been given a period of time from the beginning of conference tournaments all the way through the crowning of an NCAA Tournament. According to my basketball clock, this segment is as overdue as Derrick Rose’s return, and while none of us can do anything to get the MVP to suit up for a game, we can all rejoice in the wonderment of a fresh serving of absurdities from the greatest minds that the internet has to offer. Which, I should clarify, qualifies as any mind that is capable of accessing the internet. At any rate, here is my compilation of favorites.
Word 1: Cell Phone Salute
Definition: When one attempts to send or receive a text message with little or no reception by raising his or her cell phone up in the air thinking that somehow they will gain more bars.
Example(s): “Dude i didn’t know you were a Nazi.
“I’m not. I have no signal bars so i have to do the cell phone salute to get this message out or my woman is gonna be pissed”
Comment: Wait, holding your phone up in the air doesn’t work? And do bars even matter anymore? They seem to be full wherever I go, and I still have occasional trouble sending/receiving texts.
Word 2: Canadaphile
By: Katherine T.
Definition: A non-Canadian person who is extremely fond of Canadians, Canadian culture, and/or Canada in general.
Example(s): She is such a Canadaphile, she just had a maple leaf tattooed on her shoulder!
Comment: Canadaphiles must be the most vanilla people on the face of the planet. America’s Hat Wannabe is not the kind of title that any self-respecting person would want to carry with them. Hell, even funny Canadian people are awkward and boring, as I have been taught on Nathan For You.
Word 3: Trendwhore
By: Ninja Disaster
Definition: A follower. A sheep. A tool unable to think for himself, looking for others to guide him. Wants to conform so badly it hurts. A leech of a human being sucking on the teat of Corporate America to get at the rancid milk known as popular culture. A social leper. A fool.
Example(s): Trendwhores are the AIDS of creativity.
Comment: I can’t believe it was that easy to cast a net over these sorts of mindless followers. Which is, well, a lot more people than most people realize. Just think of it this way; without trendwhores, where would YOLO and the Harlem Shake be today?
Word 4: Illinois
By: Smooth B
Definition: A state that feels more like a large city surrounded by farmland. Most people who live in this state feel that it is divided into two areas–Chicago and Downstate. Although the official state capital is Springfield, just about everything gets done in Chicago. In fact, some out-of-staters actually believe that the capital of Illinois is Chicago. Because of this, and many other things, most “downstaters” resent everything and everyone from Chicago.
Example(s): Visitor: Where are you from?
Illinois Guy: I’m from Peoria, Illinois.
Visitor: Where’s that? Near Chicago?
Illinois Guy: No, it’s about 50 miles west of Bloomington.
Visitor: Where’s Bloomington?
Illinois Guy: Oh, forget it. It’s near Chicago.
Comment: Perfect summary of my home state. Some people in the southern half of Illinois even speak with a different accent than northerners, and the state really isn’t big enough to warrant that. Therefore, I propose a trade- reunite the Dakotas, split Illinois down the middle, make Chicago the capital of the northern half, and maintain the 50 states. The state of New Chicago already sounds patriotic to me.
Word 5: Carl Winslow
Definition: 1. The greatest human being, real or fictional, to walk the earth. Carl Winslow embodies everything that is good and pure in the world. His very existence is the faint but perpetually shining light emerging from the existential abyss.
2. See: God
Example(s): In the beginning Carl Winslow created the heavens and the earth.
Now the earth was a formless and empty, darkness was over the surface of the deep, and Carl Winslow was hovering over the waters.
And Carl Winslow said, “Let there be light,” and there was light. Carl Winslow saw that the light was good, and He separated the light from the darkness. Carl Winslow called the light “day,” and the darkness he called “night.” And there was evening, and there was morning—the first day.
Comment: Urkel approves this post. So does Bruce Willis. You may not have known, but Carl Winslow was the actual reason why “Die Hard” was such a success. If only Carl was still laying down the law on Nick at Nite reruns of Family Matters.
Disclaimer: Use the “random” button on Urban Dictionary with caution. For every amusing definition like those above, there were five disturbing or commonplace words that took away time and innocence which I will never get back. Thank you and enjoy your Wednesday.
Clarification: All definitions, words and examples are not my intellectual property and as such have not been altered from their original content and format. In other words, I’m the messenger, so think twice before trying to shoot me.
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