I’ve seen everything on Netflix: Examining Amazon’s upcoming comedy shows

billmurrayBY ALEX RUSSELL

Since Netflix is still printing money, Amazon has decided to crush them into oblivion with some of their own streaming shows. Their plan is to make the pilots and see which ones people like. Then they’re going to make those shows and buy sixteen thousand yachts.

So what are we going to like? I don’t know! Probably the one with Bill Murray, though, because duh.

Zombieland

This show is a remake of the classic graphic novels, which features heart-pumping action and a cast of unlikable idiots who wander into the woods on the slightest provocation. Wait, no. It’s a show based on the movie of the same name. Amazon says they are very excited about it. I didn’t see the film, but I assume it happens in the same universe as the Facebook movie. Jesse Eisenberg has to use a billion dollars and the help of Justin Timberlake to save the world. Sixteen stars.

Alpha House

IMDB: “Follows four senators who live together in a rented house in Washington DC.”

Two of the guys are Bill Murray and John Goodman. There’s basically no chance this won’t get made. John Goodman is hopefully going to reprise his role as one of the gentle, likable Republicans on The West Wing. Probably not. Bill Murray will just play himself, hopefully, like in Coffee and Cigarettes. Wu-Tang probably won’t be in this. I think this is some serious insight you’re getting. It seems dumb to talk about if this will be any good, because if that’s all the info they’re giving us, they seem to think that Bill Murray and John Goodman being in it is enough to sell us. They’re probably right.

Browsers

IMDB: “Set in contemporary Manhattan, it follows four young people as they start their first jobs at a news website.”

No, it won’t. The pilot of this will be mandatory watching in 2017 just to see how dated the technology is. Since there’s nothing to go on here I have no idea if this will be any good. A SHOW? ABOUT A WEBSITE? WILD!

Dark Minions

IMDB:Two slackers try to make a paycheck working an intergalactic warship.”

If your show explanation includes someone being a “slacker” it does not bode well. This has the hilarious Andy Daly (the principal from Eastbound and Down) and is written by some funny people. Maybe that’s enough to save it, but even copy and pasting that sentence made me feel dirty.

Onion News Empire

This one’s really hard to find any real info on, but it’s another attempt to make a show from the people who make The Onion. Their fake news videos are some of the greatest things online now, so this is worth checking out just for their pedigree. Probably a safe bet that if they poll the Internet, people are going to vote for The Onion.

Supanatural

IMBD:Two outspoken divas are humanity’s last line of defense against the supernatural, when they’re not working at the mall.”

I’m going to be really shocked if this is any good. It’s tough for me to decide what is least promising here, but it’s almost definitely “outspoken divas.” Read the sentence without that. It’s still not good, but it’s better.

Those Who Can’t

IMDB:Three juvenile, misfit teachers are just as immature, if not more so, than the students they teach.”

No. Workaholics the school.

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I’ll take The Onion’s show, Alpha House, and maybe Dark Minions. The biggest lesson here is never use IMDB for TV summaries, because everything sounds horrible in 30 words or less. Either that, or they’re trying to make some safe TV with really bad premises. I’m assuming it’s the former, but we’re making shows about divas and slackers, so maybe not.

What looks good to you? 

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