BY CHUCKS ENEIP
As Rambo stated last week, Poor Scholars will give you a chance to look deep into our souls via our DVR choices. This week you will see all the personalities of Chucks. I want to say that I LOVE watching my stories. I keep a wide variety of television stored in my DVR for evenings and that glorious day of each weekend I take to not accomplish much of any work at all. It should be said that the following list is likely why I get very little sleep.
Rambo outlined the process in the previous week and let everyone know that these DVR posts are completely open to total roasting the following week. He also said “For those of you who are worried that I am going to get roasted and not be able to reciprocate the indignity onto someone else, once we run through our staff members I will be able to close this out by roasting the final poster.” Well, Rambo, it is pretty hard to roast you when you included essentially all the shows I watch and sandbagged our readers by not including your entire TV watching arsenal. There are plenty of shows he did not include that I frequently get texted about (Duuuuuuude, did you see—- this week? It is soooooo sick). So in an attempt to apologize for his lack of commitment, I will attempt to include my entire years’ worth of stories by category. I hope that this article will sway some of you to give that show you always pass on the guide a chance, because as you will see, I have the highest of standards.
Chopped– Three rounds. Appetizer, Entrée and Dessert. A mystery basket containing 4 items must be used and someone is eliminated after every round. Helpful hint, fast forward the judges remarks when the chefs leave the stage because they are stupid.
Top Chef– This is going downhill fast, but it is hard to not watch after ten seasons of commitment.
The Taste– The new Anthony Bourdain cooking show where judges taste food without knowing who cooked it. They can eliminate their own team, and really, this is the future of how cooking shows should be judged.
Kitchen Nightmares– Both the BBC and the FOX versions are sweet. I mean you mix Gordon Ramsey’s high standards and abrasive attitude with cocky restaurant owners that have no business owning one of their own and you get constant demoralization…awesome.
No Reservations– Yes, I know this show is finished now, but how can you not watch re-runs of Bourdain’s signature series and marvel at how cool of a job he has.
Homeland– I am sure you all know about this series and how the writers tried their hardest to screw it up last season. Here is to hoping season 3 isn’t terrible and Brody finally meets his well-deserved face…oh and we could all do with a few less Carrie cry-faces.
Shameless– The main character reminds me of what Gary Busey would be like if he had not made tons of money making blockbusters like Point Break.
Game of Thrones– Based off the books, this series is seriously entertaining. I just hope Joffrey goes the way of King Charles I soon.
Borgias– A show about a corrupt papal family and their attempts to gain power all throughout Europe. I seriously watch this show, loosely based off true events, and wonder how the hell there were not more revolutions back in the day.
The Newsroom– I know there are plenty of haters out there, but there were just as many for Sorkin’s most popular series, The West Wing. I have seen every episode of WW like nine times, so obviously I love The Newsroom. The massive swings that they take at the Tea Party undoubtedly helps.
PTI– This is the first thing I turn on after work and for some reason I think Kornheiser may be one of the funniest people alive.
Dream on: The Journey of Wembley FC– Rambo got me started on this show…It is seriously terrible. Don’t even try.
For Love of the Game– So this is a movie, but it is permanently saved in my DVR. Kevin Costner is a 40-year-old aging pitcher. The movie follows his career intermittently between innings of his final game and it is really a great movie.
Catfish– A few months back before Te’o was a one man marketing wonder, I would have had to explain this concept.
Buckwild– Drunk West Virginia kids that seriously don’t care about their futures. This is a great new fill in now that Jersey Shore is off the air (thank God).
Campus PD and COPS– OK so the scenarios on COPS are completely ridiculous. Whether it is high-speed chases, drunk people fighting, prostitution stings, or drug busts, I always seem to be entertained. I always consider calling my parents and thanking them for not screwing me up whenever this show is on. Campus PD is exactly like COPS but with the added benefit of every episode having the potential to include one of your peers. Also it allows us all to wonder how the hell we didn’t get locked in the slammer in college because I find myself constantly saying “what the hell is wrong with that? We did that every weekend.”
The Biggest Loser– I admittedly watch like 20 min of this show and I have no clue why. Most of the time it is a good motivator for me to actually go on my run.
Undercover Boss– I don’t get how people still don’t see this coming. I mean how many ways can you hide the fact that it is your boss on camera, in you store.
Pawn Stars– Unlike Rambo, I actually watch the original. Seriously, who watches Cajun Pawn Stars anymore?
Lizard Lick Towing– Oh My God you have to watch this show. It is so hard to explain that you should just watch this.
The Real World– Yeah, it is still on and it is still good.
Millionaire Matchmaker– Don’t judge me. Rich people with absurd personalities at a mixer with younger people looking for “true love”.
Baggage– Jerry Springer’s new show on The Game Show Network where someone picks one of three contestants for a “dream date” only based off their hidden baggage. Some of this has to be scripted, but either way it is a good middle-of –the night option.
The Soup– The funniest clips of reality TV for the week…what could be better?
Colbert Report and Jon Stewart– No need to explain but, Jon Stewart is preferred.
The League– If only all real life was like this.
Men at Work– Rambo got me hooked on this, and like him, I agree it is horrible but you can’t turn it off.
It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia– The first couple seasons of this show were amazing but in my opinion, it is getting to be miserable.
Two and a Half Men– I seriously have no clue why I still watch this after Charlie Sheen’s epic meltdown, but there it is.
The Big Bang Theory– As a scientist, I only wish the people I worked with were like this.
New Girl– Again, don’t judge me…seriously. Schmidt is hilarious.
Just your Normal TV Shows
The Walking Dead– I would do such a better job at surviving than these clowns.
Suits– A kid fakes going to Harvard Law and just owns every case in sight all while his boss willingly lets him practice law, all while portraying lawyers as d-bags.
Scandal– I don’t know why, but if you put any quasi-political show in front of me, I will watch. No matter how shitty it is.
The Americans– This new show on FX is about KGB sleepers in DC, surrounding around one main couple. Their new neighbor is an FBI agent, so I am sure this show is going to get better and better. I highly recommend it.
Sons of Anarchy– At what point will they get into a mess that Jax can’t fix? I have been watching this show since the beginning and admittedly, it got pretty slow at points, but it is starting to pick up quickly and I really look forward to the next season.
Bones– This show is starting to become really quirky and the lead character, Bones, is becoming more and more awkward as the series continues, however I do enjoy David Boreanaz since Angel is one if the greatest shows ever.
Castle– A crime writer shadows a group of homicide detectives in NYC and uses his unrivaled ability to figure out mysteries in order to assist in solving the cases.
The Following– Kevin Bacon is an alcoholic ex-FBI agent who gets brought back in when the serial killer he put away escapes. The show continues with the killer’s cult following carrying out murders to finish his legacy.
Blue Bloods– Easy. Tom Selleck’s moustache is legendary.
Zero Hour– I really like this new show; check the Poor Scholars review.
Hawaii 5-0– I used to watch the original re-runs growing up and it is pretty hard to turn this updated version off.
Law and Order SVU– Who isn’t addicted to this show? I mean what can be better than a Law and Order marathon.
Franklin and Bash– Two unbelievable outside-the-box thinking lawyers including Zach Morris, find ways to win their cases at any costs. They also throw epic parties nightly at their house, which leads me to believe this is exactly how any Poor Scholars contributor would live if we went to law school.
White Collar– A con-artist works with and befriends his FBI boss who caught him. His quirky side-kick participates in most cases and solves them by conning the con-artists.
Royal Pains– A show about concierge medicine in the Hamptons. Somehow he finds ways to MacGyver products to save anyone’s life in any circumstance all in their living rooms or at the local social engagements.
Covert Affairs– Piper Perabo is a badass CIA agent who kicks everyone’s ass in sight…
Chicago Fire– This is a new show about a firehouse in Chicago and produced by the same individual producing Law and Order. Just as I find a way to watch any political show possible, if you slap Chicago in a television title, you will get my attention.
Okay, so there is a glimpse into the DVR of Chucks. My apologies for the absurd amount of shows included in this article, but as I previously stated, I LOVE me some stories. I call on Rambo to actually give us a real look into his TV watching habits. Next week we will take a look deep into the DVR soul of Scott Phillips.