Identity Thief: Too sore a subject to be funny

BY PAT FLYNN

[Steps on soap box]

As someone who got their identity stolen less than a month ago, I hate everything about this movie and I’ve never seen it.

Melissa McCarthy, a talented comedic actress, runs up Jason Bateman’s credit cards and he drives from Denver to Florida to nab her and clear his name.

At which point, this thing turns into every road trip comedy ever made and you know there will be some bond they find at the end or he’ll see why she was a thief and ultimately she’ll get away with it and everyone will be happy. This won’t satisfy me. I want death.

There should be an alternate ending in the theater. I would gladly pay $75+ to have the option of watching Bateman just murder her brutally when he initially finds her in Florida. I don’t care if the movie is eight minutes long. I would pay.

There is no worse feeling than having something taken from you without you knowing it. You feel violated. And most of the time the thieves get away with it, which is the worst part. Identity thieves make me respect people who put in the actual work, like armed robbers.

As for the film, Rotten Tomatoes has it at 27 percent right now, so you know it’s a winner.

[Steps off soap box]

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