Puppy Bowl IX: Everything you never knew you needed to know

Photo Credit: Washington Post

Photo Credit: The Washington Post


The Super Bowl attracts nearly 110 million viewers each year in the U.S. Although it feels like everybody you know watches the big game, there’s a large segment of America’s population that could care less about football. Thankfully, those people have programming like the Puppy Bowl, and Poor Scholars’ Marissa Corvallis tuned in for the ninth edition of Animal Planet’s adorable annual event.

There were no losers in Sunday’s ninth annual Puppy Bowl. Everyone was a winner, but in this case, the winners don’t take home the gold; they are the gold.

According to The Washington Post, the Puppy Bowl has sprouted puppy mania:

“There are Puppy Bowl parties and Twitter trending topics. Snooki and Zooey Deschanel puppy-tweet as they watch. And this year, for the first time, Geico bought the naming rights to the Puppy Bowl stadium.”

There are many things we already know about the Puppy Bowl. Schnauzer/Beagle mix Marta took home MVP, some kitties performed the halftime show and nine unfortunate hedgehogs were stuffed in tutus.

Emasculated Sonic

Emasculated Sonic

However, in reviewing the Puppy Bowl, I had a few more questions than answers:

What sets Marta apart from the pack?

“Marta’s tiny, but she’s not delicate, and she is deceptively athletic, which kind of tricked the bigger dogs,” says ‘The Ref’ Daniel Schachner. A classic deceit among those who know Schnauzers. Generally this breed has a pleasant, playful, spunky temperament.

Who is Daniel Schachner?

Dan Schachner, famed Puppy Bowl ‘Ref,’ works as a traditional actor and voice narrator, including hosting specials for Animal Planet. He’s also a Pisces – ladies!

Qualifications: Owns dog.

What defines a penalty foul for “excessive cuteness”?

“When the burly cameramen stop what they’re doing to say ‘awww,’ that’s when you know” – The ‘Ref’

Wouldn’t it be great if there was a bird somehow?

There is! Meep the Bird live ‘tweets’ quippy commentary inside Animal Planet Stadium.

Awww, every time I see you, Meep.

Who won the first puppy bowl and where are they now?

According to Wikipedia, some pup named Max. But that’s all I can find, so I’ll assume by now he’s either hanging in a coat closet, or, for younger viewers, on a long vacation.

Who is the Puppy Bowl’s biggest fan?

Michelle Beadle.

Mapping the human genome…meh.

What are the top three things you need for a legitimate Puppy Bowl “tailgate”?

According to DealNews.com, you need three things:

What can we expect next year?

The show marks its 10th anniversary next year so we will be in store for even greater surprises! I’m calling Snapchatting turtles.

What is the worst puppy pun you saw today?

Schnauzer chance to find it in this paw-some article!

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