After watching Beyoncé during halftime of the Super Bowl, the Poor Scholars staff got to thinking: Who would we like to see perform at halftime of Super Bowl XLVIII?
I’ve never been interested in watching the halftime show — and I can’t really pin down a specific or rational reason why — but if the Jesse White Tumblers or the Bucket Boys performed, I’d be more interested. Actually, there used to be a dude who’d bang the bucket outside the United Center who used to do bridges by stopping his drumming abruptly and yelling a Chicago sports name like “Scottie Pippen” before beginning to drum again. He’s the guy I’d like to see perform most at half.
A medley of New York’s finest rappers, repping all five boroughs: Jay-Z (Brooklyn), Nas (Queens), KRS-ONE (Bronx), Raekwon (Staten Island) and Juelz Santana (Manhattan/Harlem). Or just Jay-Z. Either way works.
As much as I’d love to see Jay-Z perform halftime at the Super Bowl, I just don’t think the NFL will give a rapper the entire halftime show quite yet. That being said, I’d love to see the Foo Fighters have a chance to do a Super Bowl halftime show. If you’ve seen their live performance at Wembley Stadium or Lollapalooza 2011, you know that Dave Grohl and company can certainly crush a set on the biggest of stages. Foo Fighters also has an extended catalog of rock anthems perfect for a Super Bowl medley. It’s borderline criminal that Dave Grohl, one of America’s greatest rock stars, has never been apart of Super Bowl halftime.
The horrible indie kid in me wants to say something absurd like Band of Horses doing an entire set of Elliott Smith covers, but no. I want the NFL to do what they really want to do. I want to see Bob Costas discuss violence in football with no jokes or music and introduce the hashtag #SayNoToFootBrawl before letting Sarah McLachlan play “Angel” over a black and white montage of NFL players. Just to see how mad everyone would be and how proud of himself Roger Goodell would be at one time.
That or fun.
We know that next year’s Super Bowl is going to be remembered for unbearably cold weather despite what happens on the field, so you might as well go out and book a cold-blooded act who has proven that he can preform under pressure. I’m talking Vanilla Ice, who will freeze the crowd with a half-assed rendition of “Ice Ice Baby” to get people going and then swoop in to finish with a few other outdated songs that people would rather forget. I don’t like the way the NFL is headed with these new and relevant acts; 2014 will be the time to cool fans on the idea of being entertained between halves, both literally and figuratively.
I love this topic. I’m not a fan of halftime performances because they’re never anyone of interest to me. Football and Beyoncé certainly don’t go hand-in-hand. Let’s not soften the game up with a Destiny’s Child reunion. There’s nothing more distracting to my halftime beer pong game than my girlfriend looking at me while mouthing the words “If you like it then you’d better put a ring on it.” I don’t need that.
Football is a tough sport — played by monsters — so give me something epic at halftime… like an MC Hammer comeback. I get to re-live the glory days of parachute pants and jackets without shirts, plus he can use the money to pay off those back taxes… sounds like a win-win. If he won’t commit, I’m fine with NWA. They can hologram Eazy-E and it’ll give Ice Cube, who we know loves a good football jersey, one last chance to prove to me that he hasn’t gone soft.
To me, the Super Bowl halftime show should be a spectacle. One of the single biggest events on Earth should possess a halftime show worthy of the game’s grandeur. I have never been particularly excited for any halftime act that has performed during the big game. The contemporary acts have never evoked any strong sense of emotion, as it is hard for me to get excited to watch someone like Phil Collins or Aerosmith perform. This year everyone was excited for Beyoncé; my interest was tepid at best. But I will say that she put on one hell of a show. From the army of Beyoncés to the guitar that was shooting flames, it really did have the feel of a performance worthy of the Super Bowl. However, we can do better. We can do bigger, more extravagant and definitely more outrageous.
For next year’s Super Bowl, I would like to see something akin to a mix between the Fourth of July and Ultra Music Festival that includes an Evil Knievel worthy stunt. Since electronic music is moving to the forefront of mainstream music I would like to see someone like Avicii, Skrillex, Tiesto, or Daft Punk (you can take your pick it really doesn’t matter) perform a live DJ set to the backdrop of a light show. The Super Bowl next year will be outdoors so we can go wild and shoot off an ass-ton of fireworks while everyone in the crowd waves American flags. Finally, for the grand finale, it is absolutely imperative we get some kind of motorcycle stunt where Travis Pastrana jumps over the stage going from end zone to end zone like Nic Cage in Ghost Rider.
Doesn’t that sound amazing?