We’re as tired of the Manti Te’o saga as all of you are and social media has seen enough Lennay Kakua/invisible girlfriend jokes to last a lifetime. However, the “show” must go on! As reported over the weekend, Manti Te’o will give his first on-camera interview about his “ordeal” with hard-hitting journalist Katie Couric.
Wait, Katie Couric?
What the hell?
Katie Couric is certainly a credible journalist with Sarah Palin’s political body bag to prove it, but her new ABC syndicated daytime talk show Katie isn’t exactly known for having athletes as guests or sports fans as viewers. In fact, Katie has only booked retired athletes like Michael Strahan and Magic Johnson on the show and both have lucrative second careers in television.
The fine folks at Deadspin, who have been killing it on the Te’o coverage, already broke down the other reasons Katie Couric is an awful choice for this initial interview, so instead of continuing on that topic, we figured we’d give you some people we would rather see conduct Manti Te’0’s first live interview.
Howard Stern: By Scott Phillips
I can’t think of anyone in the entire world I would want to interview Te’o more than the self-proclaimed “King of All Media”. Stern certainly isn’t afraid to say anything and his line of preverted questions and fantasies would make an interview about a fake girlfriend hilarious. Can you imagine Stern calling out Manti’s manhood for having a fake girlfriend? Would Howard throw Manti some sort of in-studio pageant with girls from Scores to find a real girlfriend? The possibilites are limitless!
Maury Povich: By Rambo Nomolos
Was this question supposed to be rhetorical? The obvious answer as to whom I would like to see interview Manti Te’o is Maury Povich. Seriously, think about a Maury episode entitled “My Imaginary Girlfriend Thinks I’m the Father of Her Child.” The hour-long special would be filled with more drama and plot twists than an episode of Homeland. Not to mention, the lie detector test Maury administers is the only possible course of action I can think of that would give us the truth as to what happened in this whole ordeal. Plus let’s not forget about when Maury reveals the results of the DNA test. “Manti, you are…NOT the father!” Of course, Manti could indeed be the father because at this point nothing in this saga would surprise me. If you aren’t sold yet and think this may be too absurd even for an episode of Maury, it’s not.
Don Imus: By Troy Phillips
Somehow, after 44 years and countless blunders, Imus’ radio show “Imus In The Morning” is still broadcasting daily out of New York. He’s been out of the national spotlight since 2009 when he famously referred to members of the Rutgers women’s basketball team as “nappy headed ho’s”, which contributed to his subsequent termination by CBS. A fighter until the end, Imus talked his way back onto the airwaves and has to be itching for a return to acclaim after four long years of keeping a low profile. Imus is the all-nonsense type of interviewer who won’t be afraid to ask Te’o the unnecessary questions that will change the topic of conversation from a potential publicity scandal to a debate over racial supremacy, and he has the track record to prove it. However, this interview won’t be an easy slam dunk for Imus, since there aren’t many established stereotypes for Hawaiians at his disposal. Manti Te’o might be offended on some level, but likely won’t be complaining if the onus switches from his own indiscretions to the many shortcomings of the ultraconservative Imus, who once mentioned the color of Bengals cornerback Adam Jones’ skin as an adequate and complete explanation for his legal troubles. The over/under on new Hawaiian stereotypes created during the interview has already been set at three, so get those bets in quickly.